He’s a dashing millionaire who thinks everything in life is one big joke, probably because he bathes in piles of money each morning. He’s also my new neighbor, and after a humiliating experience in the cemetery that is my backyard, he becomes my shadow, showing up everywhere just to annoy me.

I’m not a fan of happy people. They bother me with their constant grins and rainbows coming out of their ears, and Vander Booth is the king of smiles. Despite my efforts to scare him away with both my profession as an undertaker and my general need for frowning through most of my workday, he sticks around like a bad case of poison ivy.

He is gorgeous though. I’ll give him that. And when I see the way he coordinates outfits with his grandma just to make her happy, I’ll admit my biological clock starts ticking. Add in his fear of real human connections and suddenly I find myself cheering for the guy instead of plotting his death.

Though opposites can attract—and boy is my black lipstick attracted to his glow-in-the-dark smile—they don’t stay together long-term. And they certainly can’t co-exist when they’re fighting constantly in a knock-down, drag-out competition for the same piece of land for their business venture. Or can they? Cue ominous organ music…